The Transforming Power of No

Written by Dorothy A. Martin-Neville, PhD

When you live your life, and leadership, far out of the box as a visionary and transformative leader, you can see opportunities, and are even offered opportunities that some others would be too frightened to consider. It can be very seductive. Taking a risk at creating something or being a part of something so revolutionary that you are beyond excited simply thinking about it, is so a part of who you are.

It may seem counterintuitive – but – taking a deep breath and waiting until morning before making a major decision can be your life, and perhaps career, savior. Over time, most of us have learned to trust intuition, to know ourselves so well we realize that at times the seduction is simply the opportunity to be a part of something so radically different from the norm while having far greater impact and influence in moving things forward.

All that feels live-giving and life-expanding, yet a few safeguards are a great gift in helping to make a wild yet informed choice about going forward in changing the world or simply in changing your world.

A few thoughts:

• Is this something you really are prepared to do or can reasonably handle, timewise etc. without chaos or illness, while getting it up to steam?
• Are you considering it primarily because you need/want a distraction from what you are currently working on?
• Is this a replacement for your current project? An expansion of it? A reframe?
• Have you assessed the viability of the idea? Not simply logistics – they can be so unnecessarily limiting – but the feasibility of it in conjunction with current commitments and/or stressors?
• Is it something you have been preparing for and opening up to your whole life that is now ready to take you to the next level personally and professionally?

I love it when opportunity knocks. I love the excitement of the change, growth, and transformation it can provide. I am also aware that change for the sake of change rarely works. Life is a continuous process of becoming, We are always provided opportunities we are ready for, when we are open to receiving them. Sometimes, however, the message is about learning to have discernment.

When that happens, the ”No.” means I realize it will take me away from my focus and is simply a distraction, lovely but a distraction, or it will call me to abandon my values and possibly my integrity. The “Yes” means I am excited, I can feel the freedom of additional growth even in the challenge of it all, yet knowing in my soul, or my gut, that this is my next step in coming alive, in living my life fully, and in growing into the person I am called to be. At that point, the yes is cellular, and I am ready, scared, excited, and open to what lies ahead. Knowing we have both options, yes or no, is an important reminder of our choice for transformation and growth.