Blog

Written by Dr. Dorothy Martin-Neville

Yesterday, I attended a basketball game watching our Women’s National Champions in the over-60 league. Five of the women had been pro players and were now in this league with a new type of national awards – both here and abroad.

In watching these women appear so relaxed while throwing the ball, making basket after basket look so easy it was so clear what happens when your mind sees what needs to be done and you just do it. The ease of passing to each other. The quick turn and pass, throwing to one another as if the teammate read your mind without effort…

In addition, I watched them applaud the other teams after a game. Watched them talk kindly about different members of the league and what they overcame to become a member of the league. The compassion, the humor, and absolutely the competitiveness was obvious. As was the exhausting daily training before work to stay sharp, to stay limber, and to stay competitive.

These experts for whom the game is second nature, excelled in so many ways. I kept smiling to myself on the way home. That’s what it’s like to see real pros… To see folks who are so comfortable in their skills and their love of the game that they can relax and enjoy the game fully and applaud the competition (after the game that is.).

It is such a contrast to the hatred, cruel competitiveness, and ridicule of the “other” that so frequently exists. In recent years, we have seen such a promotion to hate the “other.” We can define the “other” any number of ways and boy do we keep adding them up. Folks who have never hurt us except in our own mind. Folks who have contributed so much and only add to the beautiful diversity that makes our world, and our lives, so rich.

I was so inspired yesterday by the beauty, the desire to keep growing, keep learning, and keep becoming a better version of who they were. Not only did I see age as only a number, I also saw that kindness, compassion, and empathy makes for a much better version of every one of us. Laughing at ourselves as well as lovingly laughing at, and with, others keeps our hearts open. It doesn’t stop growth and competition, it stimulates it.

I have said for years that who we become is far more important than what we do. I still believe that. Our style can be aggressive, cruel, and dictatorial. It can be compassionate, quiet, and kind. It can be outrageous, innovative, and powerful. It can be so many other options as well. Most importantly, it can be ours. It’s our job to define what that style will be. It’s our job to define how we treat others. Will we clearly see miracles happening every day or will we see through our wounded filter someone trying to abuse us or steal from us, theoretically giving us permission to feel like a victim, or to be the aggressor.

With all these options, the style we choose will define the life we experience. It will define whether we see life as a gift or a burden. A responsibility or a joy. So much of life is not about the actual work of living, it’s about how we perceive it all and consequently, how we choose to live it.

My wish for you is that life is a gift calling you forward, calling you to live your life fully, vibrantly, and with an investment in becoming more and more of who you are meant to be, each and every day. And like these women yesterday, may your choices call you to excel at being you, and following your dreams, all while working, parenting if that is your journey, and finding all the opportunities that excitingly call you to challenge yourself and all the outdated belief systems that can hold you back from the laughter of truly being alive…